A man lands on the moon…
A group signs a treaty…We can all name a number of public historical events but the other day I was reflecting on some personal markers. I was surprised to find that in addition to some of the obvious events (like meeting my husband, having kids, and various work achievements), I was able to include books, movies, profound statements and dreams among my sources of treasured revelations.
I remember reading Lord of The Flies with my mom, on the bus to school every day. I remember crying my eyeballs out and sobbing “They killed Piggy?” She nodded in quiet agreement as her nine-year-old collided with the cruel side of human nature for the first time. That moment changed me, because I always related to Piggy. I always felt “different.” Even now, any opportunity that affords me the chance to tilt the scales in favor of the awkward, is one I’m likely to take…
|My brother Rick Aviles circa 1992|
I remember a dream I had about a month after my brother died. The devastation consumed me. I was a new mom, barely eating or sleeping and in no condition to take care of a child. One night, while staring blankly at the ceiling, the pain in my gut was so severe, I contemplated making myself vomit to see if I might gain some relief. Suddenly, at the foot of my bed, sat my brother. I was surprised at first, elated actually but then I panicked! I knew he wasn’t supposed to be there. Intuitively, he addressed my fear. He assured me that this was a much-needed visit on both parts. He needed me to be ok and he knew that I needed to know he was ok.
He spoke to me of an indescribable knowing/loving and peace. He took me around the world and allowed me to see and feel what he felt as he traveled his new universe. I remember being so amazed by the intense fuschia and gold elements everywhere.
I later came to learn that the color fuchsia represents meditation and connection to spirituality. Letting go of old attitudes and welcoming a new change. This color is also associated with emotional stability. The golden color reflects a spiritual reward, richness, refinement and enhancement of surroundings. It also signifies determination and an unyielding nature.
So, I’m open minded and the fact is, I don’t know if the spirit of my brother really visited me. I don’t know if my exhausted brain came up with this dream as a way to preserve my life. What I DO know is that after the dream, I was able to function. Sixteen years later, I still miss my brother, my best friend, my mentor, my cheerleader but I am so grateful to have found relief from the kind of pain that could have literally killed me.
What made this was a historical marker in my life? It marked a moment where I realized that I could survive anything and more importantly, that I WANT to.
What are your markers?
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